Monday, August 22, 2005

Emotional Cheating-Is it Cheating?

This is the hottest topic of relationship of late. Does emotional cheating exist? When your spouse goes to work , does he have a co-worker whom he bares it all emotionally?Someone they sit with at lunch hour and talk about you and why you are giving your spouse grief even when he has given you all:-). Does your better half have a friend of the opposite sex who they open up to more that he /she would ever open up to you? Do you have a friend who you ran to when you think your mate is not understanding you ? Most people even when they are unwilling to admit there is that someone in your life that you feel so comfortable with that you can tell anything and you feel they understand you all too well and it is usually of the opposit sex. You harbor secret adminration of that person and you wish that your other half would be like him/her. When you have a disagreement with your significant other, that is the person you sneak out and call 911 to air your problem seeking comfort.

Well according to a survery that is emotional cheating and that opens doors to even the danger of sexual encounters. Now question is , how many people believe that is true? that one can cheat emotionally? Like Brad Pitt said in an interview, we were not meant to be with one person for the rest of our lives. Some people raised an eyebrow on that comment but I tend to concur.Why? Because think, even though you are madly in love with someone and you believe they have all the qualities you have been looking for ,there is a percentage of him/her that you do not like and that you see in someone else.

No one can fulfil our needs 100% ,I refuse to believe that. I have a very close friend who I tell anything and everything under the sun( even about that time of the month misery) and if and when I meet my significant other, he will never replace my friend no matter what.This is something he will have to live with knowing that I have such a friend who happen to be a guy who I talk to .I know most guys hate it when their true loves have guy friends and they will question you about it, will hate the friend for absolutely no reason but I think we all cannot have all our needs fulfilled by one person and the more we embrace the better our relationship would be. By the way I'm not advocating infidelity but allow someone to have a friend out there (not for dilly dallying with under the sheets) who they can confide with or talk to because the way I see it, if they have never ended up together romantically ,chances are they prolly will never ever !!


However, there is a difference between someone who has been your friend long before your significant other came along and one who is acquired after the fact. The latter may mean that you both need to work on your relationship, better communication or a certain fire died along the way and needs to be re-ignited. Anyway whether you choose to believe it or not , we all have someone out there we emotionally cheat with, if at all that is cheating...

9 comments:

Poi said...

Yup! ditto you Wanjiru, work husbands/wives thts what we call them at my jobo when we all come together for lunch/breakfast and run mouth alil bit.

True such friends exist not coz u don't love someone but coz u feel more free...I don't know what am saying. I always say I don't know zilch about r/ships, dang! y r they so complicated??
Great post!

Irena said...

Poi, I happen to be the one they emotionally cheat with..I always feel terrible:-) but I learn a lot too. I have come to learn so much about the opposite sex that's for sure:-)

Guessaurus said...

Wanjiru, you are not alone. I have loads of guyfriends who are in r/ships/married and I am the one they come to for a shoulder to cry on, and some advice and stuff. Their other halves know about it, some arent too happy about our friendships, and others make me their friend so I think that kinda evens it out a bit.

But for guys, oh no, they get really insecure about stuff like that a lot, yet they wanna keep their "work wives" LOL

Wambui said...

Ati 'work wives'! LOL!

Is not cheating at all, and i think it makes relationships stronger for you do not rely on just one person to fulfil every need. That is asking too much of anyone...ohh the pressure...we would both be bound to fail, as will the relationship.

Infact reference to G's post about uses of men! To think I would have to give some of my male friends up for a partner would tear me apart.

Prousette said...

Offices now come complete with wives/hubbies. Nice term poi

I have plenty of these people in my life. There are those I grew up with and instead of tearing the poor man I live with apart when he has erred I rant and rave and the buddy in question smiles as the storm calms itself down. Then there are those men I would ask men things like "if I did this and I was your significant other how would you react?" Emotional infidelity would be all that a relationship entails minus the sheet activity and this is dangerous because you never know when the camel's back will break and decide you made a mistake with man n°1 and hit off with the buddy in question. Almost always disastrous.

And don't you dare mention the closeness of this man to your man unless you want war. They are known to exist heck they might even call you at home and all but do not even go into explaining .....warped man reasoning as always. it is ok for him to have such friends but not you.

Irena said...

Prousete: Thanks for the contribution . I think I would call it cheating only when one goes beyond to the level fallin for and having fantasy about that person. Otherwise, for some couples the need divine intervention:-) ok they need an outsiders opinion and this can actually help the relationship, I think

Jay said...

I'm a confessed emotional cheat and I don't know. Sometimes it has caused me to start viewing the other person in a sexual way and that scares me... Oh dear.

Milonare said...

Hey Wanjiru

Imma bit late here but...

Emotional cheating is mbaya-mbof. Look at it this way: For many chicks(and guys also) I know, friendship comes first be4 a relationship. Sometimes you get soo deeply involved with someone you start loving them without knowing and end up in a fix.

I've learnt to choose my friends carefully lest I mistakenly fall in love...

@ms K
Now you... LOL... Confessions 101... LOL

Anonymous said...

hi, ive been dating my girlfriend for a year and a half..i jus found out that she has been talkn to a friend, in which she hasnt really talked in in a year and a half...she has confessed many agruments about us..n not much positives..i freaked out because i knew this guy liked her..but she consistently insists that she has no feelings..i was also upset because i dont understand why she would choose to talk to him, for about a month, than a girlfriend of hers, or even a family member. I freaked out and broke it off wit her because i felt she should have come clean to me about her questions regarding out relationship..i am very insecure n i felt that i was cheated in a way..emotionally..she wants to be back with me really bad..even after having such a great time, mutually, for so long, with few arguments, she still never explained to him the greatness of our love..n i felt so disrespected..we talked and what not..but i started to think it was more than jus someone to talk to...but she insists she loves me and only me..im upset..n im not sure whut to do